Why does motherhood have to be so guilt ridden?
This time it was because Annika came down with a high fever.
Last Thursday the kids slept over at the grandparents because Friday is SGH anaesthesia day.
Of course everyone is bouncing off the walls and absolutely FINE Thursday evening.
And of course I find out that Annika is running a high fever VIA SMS just as I am at my maximum stress.
Why? I get to SGH feeling a bit worried ( do they still need me anymore? they recently added to their MO head count!! )
Then the roster person takes a while to reply to my message telling me where to go for the day. Actually she replies "who is this?" to my message. Great. So I go up and look for her and she is all flustered trying to sort things out. So she tells me to go send the fella ALREADY at L8 to the day surgery(WHHHAT??I'd rather go to day surgery!!)
SO I get there and try to get ready. Of course the case turns out to be some cancer with neck dissections etc..argh! I start to panic. Have to wait for consultant to come and decide what they want to do.
And then the surgeons etc turn up but NO consultant anaesthetist. Panic more.
Of course in the end I manage to piss the consultant anaesthetist off( not my fault if he doesn't answer his phone ! )
Right in the midst of all this I get this sms that Annika is having a high fever so no school for her?
ACCK!!
Everything turned out ok in the end, Annika was sick but still happy, I got to put an arterial line in, played with the fibreoptic scope for like 2 minutes, and babysat the case till 5pm.
And yesterday was Madison's turn to fall ill. The fever's been pretty high.. she hasn't had a real fever for a few months now. Of course we hardly slept last night.
I'm getting a little tired of doing this anaesthesia thing, but I feel that I should persist. Otherwise why even start? There must be a greater meaning to it. It just sucks to go there so early every Friday, get screwed by some anaesthetist and feel generally tense. And then the kids have to sleep over Thursday night (which Madison LOVES).
Maybe they'll tell me soon that they don't need me to come in anymore. I keep thinking that'll happen anytime now. Especially since they have been sending out emails about new doctors joining them. Sigh.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Madison's 4th
I think I'm starting to get the hang of kids parties.
The first time I was really stressed, trying to get everything perfect.
We invited so many people, it was really a bit out of control.
This time, I waited till the last week to organise food and drink, and didn't even plan the decorations. The only "planning" I did was to get the chairs guy to deliver kids furniture for the event.
This time, we invited close friends with kids I knew would be keen to actually go swimming; last time none of the kids even went into the pool.
So I think it went great!
The kids started arriving just after 10 (as advised), the rainy weather stayed away so we had glorious sun the entire time.
The only thing I didn't realize was that it was seriously LABOURIOUS to grill 400 sticks of satay! I imagined in my head it would take a few minutes per batch, hence 400 didn't seem that daunting to me.
BUT.. I didn't realize the barbeque pit was NOT designed to mass cook satay! It took AGES to cook all of it, by which people had already left! ( so early! )
Still... the kids had fun in the pool ( which was the main thing anyway ), then they did finish most of the pre-cooked stuff: noodles ( that I cooked!), fishballs ( fresh from Whampoa market, boiled chipolatas and chicken pie (prepared by 'auntie Melba') and chicken parmesean cooked by Warni.
And the piece de resistance was undoubtedly THE CAKE ( if I may so brag!! )
Darn icing took over an hour just to do. I was sweating buckets in an airconditioned room trying to colour THEN roll out the silly fondant to a huge rectangle (iMPOSSIBLE!!)
And the cake itself! I baked 4 failed batches of mango cake before I called it quits and made a vanilla butter sponge! I wasted at least 8 eggs, 500g flour, 2 huge mangoes and close to 500 g of butter!
Lucky thing the theme was Nemo/Under the sea/fish/shark so I just hid the imperfections with seaweed/fish/coral!
We had just the right number of guests this time round, so I actually had time to sit down and chat with most of them. I'm always touched when people take out precious weekend time to come and attend the party, because I know how rare time off is.
Thank you to all my dear friends who came on Saturday... I'm so grateful you are part of my life!
1 down! 1 more to go!
The first time I was really stressed, trying to get everything perfect.
We invited so many people, it was really a bit out of control.
This time, I waited till the last week to organise food and drink, and didn't even plan the decorations. The only "planning" I did was to get the chairs guy to deliver kids furniture for the event.
This time, we invited close friends with kids I knew would be keen to actually go swimming; last time none of the kids even went into the pool.
So I think it went great!
The kids started arriving just after 10 (as advised), the rainy weather stayed away so we had glorious sun the entire time.
The only thing I didn't realize was that it was seriously LABOURIOUS to grill 400 sticks of satay! I imagined in my head it would take a few minutes per batch, hence 400 didn't seem that daunting to me.
BUT.. I didn't realize the barbeque pit was NOT designed to mass cook satay! It took AGES to cook all of it, by which people had already left! ( so early! )
Still... the kids had fun in the pool ( which was the main thing anyway ), then they did finish most of the pre-cooked stuff: noodles ( that I cooked!), fishballs ( fresh from Whampoa market, boiled chipolatas and chicken pie (prepared by 'auntie Melba') and chicken parmesean cooked by Warni.
And the piece de resistance was undoubtedly THE CAKE ( if I may so brag!! )
Darn icing took over an hour just to do. I was sweating buckets in an airconditioned room trying to colour THEN roll out the silly fondant to a huge rectangle (iMPOSSIBLE!!)
And the cake itself! I baked 4 failed batches of mango cake before I called it quits and made a vanilla butter sponge! I wasted at least 8 eggs, 500g flour, 2 huge mangoes and close to 500 g of butter!
Lucky thing the theme was Nemo/Under the sea/fish/shark so I just hid the imperfections with seaweed/fish/coral!
We had just the right number of guests this time round, so I actually had time to sit down and chat with most of them. I'm always touched when people take out precious weekend time to come and attend the party, because I know how rare time off is.
Thank you to all my dear friends who came on Saturday... I'm so grateful you are part of my life!
1 down! 1 more to go!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
4 years old!
4 years ago on this very day I delivered Madison.
It's so strange, that I can still remember how everything went that day. But from then till today things are already a little blurry. I can barely remember her as a toddler, much less a baby! Somehow between toddlerhood and Annika she just grew up.
Of course now we are dealing with different issues than before, and I'm sure there will be more. I hear primary school is a nightmare.
I don't know when my patience ran out... why is every morning such a struggle?
1. Getting her to eat breakfast at a pace faster than a snail takes to crawl across our living room
2. Getting her dressed for preschool
3. Getting her OFF the floor and OUT of the house in time.
4. Getting her to put on shoes
5. Getting her NOT to constantly fight with her sister while we are trying to get to the car
6. Trying to placate 2 kids wanting to listen to different music!
And days when Annika goes to playgroup is probably even worse. Because there are now 2 of them to deal with!
But it's pretty cool to see her develop. She can now reason somewhat with me and her interest in sharks and dinosaurs is unparalleled! I'm also touched that she knows how to give in to her sister SOME of the time.
Today I finally dropped Annika off to school. I was a bit nervous since previously Warni would accompany her for awhile before leaving. So we got to the front door, and her teacher walked up brightly and took her in. I said"bye!" and walked off. The look on her face was priceless! In between shock and horror?
Anyway, I waited outside for the shrieking to begin, but surprisingly it was rather calm!
So.. I'm bringing cake to school for Madison this morning, and will probably bring Elizabeth along to enjoy the party spirit. This weekend will be her pool party, and I think she's rather excited about it!
It's so strange, that I can still remember how everything went that day. But from then till today things are already a little blurry. I can barely remember her as a toddler, much less a baby! Somehow between toddlerhood and Annika she just grew up.
Of course now we are dealing with different issues than before, and I'm sure there will be more. I hear primary school is a nightmare.
I don't know when my patience ran out... why is every morning such a struggle?
1. Getting her to eat breakfast at a pace faster than a snail takes to crawl across our living room
2. Getting her dressed for preschool
3. Getting her OFF the floor and OUT of the house in time.
4. Getting her to put on shoes
5. Getting her NOT to constantly fight with her sister while we are trying to get to the car
6. Trying to placate 2 kids wanting to listen to different music!
And days when Annika goes to playgroup is probably even worse. Because there are now 2 of them to deal with!
But it's pretty cool to see her develop. She can now reason somewhat with me and her interest in sharks and dinosaurs is unparalleled! I'm also touched that she knows how to give in to her sister SOME of the time.
Today I finally dropped Annika off to school. I was a bit nervous since previously Warni would accompany her for awhile before leaving. So we got to the front door, and her teacher walked up brightly and took her in. I said"bye!" and walked off. The look on her face was priceless! In between shock and horror?
Anyway, I waited outside for the shrieking to begin, but surprisingly it was rather calm!
So.. I'm bringing cake to school for Madison this morning, and will probably bring Elizabeth along to enjoy the party spirit. This weekend will be her pool party, and I think she's rather excited about it!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Party Sunday
We were invited to 2 birthday parties just on Sunday alone!
Both happened to be neighbours as well.
The first was held at Fidgets at Turf city. We were there last year too. This time it was for Lynn's 4th. I think Madison had a great time. Last year she needed to be accompanied up and down the indoor playground, but this time she was off with Lynn.
Annika was invited too, and we were all set to take them both but right smack on Sunday morning she develops a fever.... when Madison got dressed and put on her socks to go, Annika went and put her monkey socks(her favourite socks!) on... I felt so sorry that she couldn't go! Of course she was crying and screaming when we left. We did however, get a goody bag for her. Of course it's like the best present ever now.
After we got back from the first party, we went downstairs so Madison could go for a swim. Of course it happens that preparations are in full swing for another party, and when the neighbour saw us he invited us to his daughter's 7th birthday!
This one was an eye opener! The usual suspects of cake, helium balloons and food AND.. a 3 hour magician show! 4 guys, 'theatre' backdrop, glitzy lights and a live bird! After 1 hour, I started wondering when the show was going to end... then the entertainers told the parents to start eating while they were entertaining...
After WE finished our meal they had a short break for the kids to eat.. then it continued!
At 8pm I took Annika upstairs to give her medicine and then came back down thinking the show would be over. It wasn't! Then they had cake cutting, complete with popping confetti! At that point I thought, ok.. get a slice and we can go home... but no! Pinata was next! The entertainers got the kids to go back into the function room, line up to take turns hitting the penguin pinata!
I didn't think Madison would want to participate, surprise surprise... she went back in. (groan) And she actually took a hit!
2 parties in 1 day. Without a nap the entire day.
But.. I had a peaceful night last night! (1 heavily medicated sick kid, 1 KO from an entire day of partying)
Both happened to be neighbours as well.
The first was held at Fidgets at Turf city. We were there last year too. This time it was for Lynn's 4th. I think Madison had a great time. Last year she needed to be accompanied up and down the indoor playground, but this time she was off with Lynn.
Annika was invited too, and we were all set to take them both but right smack on Sunday morning she develops a fever.... when Madison got dressed and put on her socks to go, Annika went and put her monkey socks(her favourite socks!) on... I felt so sorry that she couldn't go! Of course she was crying and screaming when we left. We did however, get a goody bag for her. Of course it's like the best present ever now.
After we got back from the first party, we went downstairs so Madison could go for a swim. Of course it happens that preparations are in full swing for another party, and when the neighbour saw us he invited us to his daughter's 7th birthday!
This one was an eye opener! The usual suspects of cake, helium balloons and food AND.. a 3 hour magician show! 4 guys, 'theatre' backdrop, glitzy lights and a live bird! After 1 hour, I started wondering when the show was going to end... then the entertainers told the parents to start eating while they were entertaining...
After WE finished our meal they had a short break for the kids to eat.. then it continued!
At 8pm I took Annika upstairs to give her medicine and then came back down thinking the show would be over. It wasn't! Then they had cake cutting, complete with popping confetti! At that point I thought, ok.. get a slice and we can go home... but no! Pinata was next! The entertainers got the kids to go back into the function room, line up to take turns hitting the penguin pinata!
I didn't think Madison would want to participate, surprise surprise... she went back in. (groan) And she actually took a hit!
2 parties in 1 day. Without a nap the entire day.
But.. I had a peaceful night last night! (1 heavily medicated sick kid, 1 KO from an entire day of partying)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Sailing solo
Ack! The friend that got me started doing this locum anaesthetic work has decided to stop doing it for at least the next 2 months!
This is terrible. Now I feel that I should probably continue on my own because I DO enjoy doing this ONCE a week, but then it is rather lonely not having a friendly familiar face to do it with.
Also.. it seems rather pointless to have started down this path and to give up after a mere month or so.
After last week's session, I remember more of why I decided to give up the job.
It sucks being stuck in theatre all day with another person that is barely friendly to you.
It sucks feeling less than worthy or feeling incompetent.
It probably sucks more being made to FEEL incompetent.
It's stressful wondering what the other (more senior person) wants you to do. Whether or not to strike up friendly conversation. The entire day.
But I like knowing that I can still do the stuff that I used to do. I think it's mostly having the confidence to pull it off.
Another old friend apparently is thinking of coming back to do the same... I'm hoping HE DOES!
This is terrible. Now I feel that I should probably continue on my own because I DO enjoy doing this ONCE a week, but then it is rather lonely not having a friendly familiar face to do it with.
Also.. it seems rather pointless to have started down this path and to give up after a mere month or so.
After last week's session, I remember more of why I decided to give up the job.
It sucks being stuck in theatre all day with another person that is barely friendly to you.
It sucks feeling less than worthy or feeling incompetent.
It probably sucks more being made to FEEL incompetent.
It's stressful wondering what the other (more senior person) wants you to do. Whether or not to strike up friendly conversation. The entire day.
But I like knowing that I can still do the stuff that I used to do. I think it's mostly having the confidence to pull it off.
Another old friend apparently is thinking of coming back to do the same... I'm hoping HE DOES!
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