It's all true.
They say new parents have this inbuilt ability to FORGET the past year, especially the pain of the early months. They say you get the desire to have more kids again.
I didn't believe a word of this 1 year ago, when I was in the throes of sleepless nights, endless feeding and diapering. I think I must have sworn then : " never again! Not for a few years! "
For some really inexplicable reason, I HAVE FORGOTTEN! I look at Elizabeth every day, and start to wonder what Madison was like at that age! And I can't remember! I can't remember what she looked like, what her schedule was like, how her physical development was like in comparison to Elizabeth. I don't remember what we did at night once we moved back to our own home, what the holiday to Melbourne was like.
That's what diaries are for, to remind you of the past. Now I wish I had a more detailed diary of what Madison did then.
But maybe it's better to forget. And simply enjoy each moment as it passes. Love does grow, and the feeling of love that I have for her is now stronger than ever, so strong it feels like it could burst somehow from my heart. Almost like a physical pain somewhat. How could I ever love another child as much as I love this one?
Cliched, I know. And the answer? You get more love for all the kids you ever have. But I wonder if the love is fair, if it is the same for all ? I suppose I have to find that out for myself.
Madison is such a gem right now. After the troubles of early infanthood, before the suffering of school starts. Just tonight she was dancing to the beat of Michael Jackson on TV. I managed to get that on video. And she is the greatest imitator, from actions to words, it's amazing how quickly she can process information now.
How do I encourage her to her fullest potential? Encourage her to develop a healthy self esteem? creativity?
Now I get to have time to myself, and yet how not to feel guilty about spending time away? How do we have our cake and eat it?
No comments:
Post a Comment